Where do I 'live?'

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There's a place that resides inside us all, and I believe it to be called AuthentiCity.  I visit it, on my self-engagement journey, as often as I can.  But I find I don't live there, and I often challenge myself to find out why.

Knowing that, ultimately, my safety is full-on important with the life that I've created, I can't always do, say and be my authentic self 100% of the time.

In some ways, I envy those who can.  I would say these people have stepped into a space of self-marriage; most of them, without even knowing it.

There will be naysayers about this concept - the Self-Marriage concept.  But I don't really think the full understanding is there to make that judgment.  Authenticity - and living a truly authentic life, 100% of the time - really is the foundational piece to living as a self-married person.

As I work on my engagement with Self, I keep coming across the 'authenticity angels' - some in person, some not.  I recently went to the bookstore the other day with my beautiful granddaughter and as she was searching for the book she was focused on acquiring, I walked around on my own. 

As I dallied over to my favorite section, this book nearly jumped off the shelf at me.  Not the first one I've seen on this topic, but the one that wanted me to have it.  Now.  

So, I listened.  I share it with you, as it was exactly what I needed in the moment.  And, for the rest of my life.  :)  And it may be the topic (not necessarily the book) that you might be needing too.  Who knows?

 

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Bumps on the road to Self-Marriage

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There are multiple things in life that help to bring us into a greater state of self-marriage and none-so-powerful as the 'bumps' along the way.

I like to see these events as a 'bumping into ourselves' and a shake-up of our reality into a more aligned state with who we are.

It has come to my awareness that whenever I have bumped into myself, it has mostly been in a relationship-type situation or scenario, where I am shown something about myself that I either

  • never had an awareness of before;
  • was avoiding seeing or realizing (for both positive or non-positive reasons), or
  • never knew I ever cared about.

After I hit the bump, I then have a choice to either stay put, back away, turn around or, ideally, go over it.  Recognizing all the while what it is I'm doing, what this bump is trying to teach me, and where to go from that point.

I have to admit that my life with Steve, as well as with my daughter and granddaughter, has brought me more bumps than I could have ever imagined in one lifetime.  And though I would always project the negative feelings back onto (particular) Steve (because of our intimate relationship) as a result, I eventually became clear that none of it - really - had anything to do with him, and it was ultimately all about the 'inner-standing' of myself.

Taking this awareness into my everyday life has been both extremely challenging and immensely rewarding at the same time.

Wow, how do I love those bumps now!  

Let the bumps teach you.  They are only trying to get our attention, and teach us about us, so we can love ourselves more.

Let's all be loving towards ourselves today, and make this a better world as a result.

Onward ho!

Clarity

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In the past year, there have been so many illuminations come forth - about others, about relationships, about life.

Some of these came from loss - I would say, most of them did.

In the release of something, comes room.  

Sometimes that room was with filled grief.  Sometimes, it filled with relief.  But mostly, it has filled with clarity.

And this is when I re-engaged with myself.  On-and-off, still.  Not consistent, but I forgive myself for that.  

It's...okay.

So, my advice to others would be - give yourself room.  It doesn't have to include loss, but most likely it will.  Give yourself permission to release that which is no longer meant to be, in order to receive that which is.

Onward ho.

 

A Dash of Motivation, With a Twist

Today, I am the Lioness.  I am ready to roar, and not take any shit from anybody.

Today, I sit in wonderment at the energy that anger holds, and how it motivates me.  Madly, motivates me.  Intensely and expressively motivates me to...to....

Write.

For in that anger, in that madness, lies a whole lotta truth, about me.  And I can't blame anyone for how I feel - not as the "Self-Engaged Girl."

For what I discovered - because, yes, truth does illuminate itself in these moments, when I allow for it - is, I am the cause of my own madness.  I am the source of the rage, of the resentment, of the disappointment and resentment.  I am the only reason why I am mad.  And what is that reason?

I did not take 100% responsibility for my OWN life. 

And I got myself into a 'pickle.'  And I expected other people - nay, TRUSTED them - to get me out.  Of something I totally created myself.

My creation; my mess; my bad.  MY bad.  No one else is responsible.  Only me.

So, I'm pissed at me.  I'm raging at me.  But as a result, I'm bloody motivated as well!

I'm aligning with my life course, resetting my compass, and re-engaging with the responsibility that lays with me. 

And that feels damn good.

Anyone else feel like joining me? 

Onward ho!